In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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