you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
