She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
