Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
