Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
