She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
