my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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