Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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