bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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