we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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