Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
