Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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