i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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