How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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