I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
