he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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