if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
