I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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