i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
