at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
