And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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