Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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