god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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