make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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