christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
