i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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