you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
