no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
