Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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