Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
