I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
