i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
