I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
