ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
