i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
