worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I didn't notice because vodka
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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