I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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