I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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