I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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