mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
