i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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