dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
