Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
