I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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