I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just gargled with NyQuil
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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