Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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