Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
