yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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