hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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