You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
