Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
