Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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