All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
