I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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