I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
