he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
