we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
