I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
