She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
fuck your aforementioned shoe
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
