okay pat passed out under dana's car
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
