umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Congratulations! We have a period
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
