i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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