I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
