i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
