I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
