Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
