So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
