im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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