Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
