Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
