You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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