She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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