Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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