So gin and wine won't be happening again
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
