im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Farmville is her only friend.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
