I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
