I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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