The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
