Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
