I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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