I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize