When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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