So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
