Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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