no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
