That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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