I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
