so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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