i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
