if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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