When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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