with your own penis?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
