Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Drake has all the answers
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
