Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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