im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
