how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
